The Long and Short of Wanting

[A young girl and her father are listening to a song. The song is “You Can’t Always Get What You Want.” They really wanted to drive that message home, didn’t they? The Rolling Stones. Look at them, trying to gather no moss! Did they get what they needed? What if they needed moss?]

[Now it is later. The song is not playing. The young girl wants something. The father wants something else. Or does the father just want the young girl not to want the something? The father decides it is a perfect time to sing the song now, or at least the only two lines anyone ever remembers.]

[At some point the girl starts to internalize a different lyric:

You can’t ever get what you want.

She stops wanting anything,

for the most part.]

[Now it is even later. Maybe a lot later. The young girl is a young woman. She doesn’t know what she wants. People are asking her what she wants? What does she say? What does she even need? This starts to cause trouble.]

[The young woman gets older. Not wanting has caused her enough pain. She decides she wants to want. Right now, she is whispering in my ear, telling me to write down that wanting was never the problem…the problem is when someone equates wanting with getting. Like she did. So she is trying wanting on for size. Let’s see how she does…]

This wanting thing is new.

That needing thing is old.

I want to want, and not  j u s t  to need.

We all need something to want…[sung to the tune of “Lean On Me”, until you realize it is not the right number of syllables].

We all need somethingy to want…[cringe]

We all need somebody to want [that doesn’t work either].

We all need somebody to want us [well, that works…but it isn’t the message I want to convey…although it may be true too- but, HEY! These are really bad stage directions! Oh, is that what they are?].

We all want somebody to want us.

I want you.

I want you now,

today,

ahora,

for the present…

In the present, I want you for the future too.

Now is not the future.

I am not from the future, although time travel would be cool, and probably a real mess, so…

I am glad I am not from the future.

I want you now.

I don’t mean sexually, but I do want you sexually… [oh, you know what I mean!]

In the past I didn’t have you.

That would seem to suggest [in a British accent, mind you…Sherlock maybe?],

I must not need you.

That’s good!

I want you now…in the present, and for the future, now…but I don’t need you…because I didn’t always have you…in the past!

Don’t be scared now…

I love you.

I want to love you.

I choose to love you.

But, listen closely, darling,

I don’t need to love you.

[I don’t need to write left justified text either]

[or reserve brackets for stage directions, apparently [sarcastically]]

And, Baby?

          I [don’t] need your loving.

I just don’t got to have it!

But yes,

                    oh yes,

                              oh yeah,

                                        OH HELL YEAH!

…I want your loving.

Give it

or

take it away…

Whatever you want.

Do whatever you want

and

I will do the same

Today, I want to love you

Today, I do love you

But  many other loves didn’t make it till today.

They had their day.

Today is you.

Let’s not pretend we know tomorrow

I can only talk of it today.

Today is you.

So let’s not count the children we don’t have

or count the years until I can’t have them anyway

Today is you.

Today is you and me.

Today is all I want today.

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3 responses to “The Long and Short of Wanting

  • Ian! D. Allen

    Found the full book. You’ll appreciate some of these.

  • Ian! D. Allen

    You’re channelling R.D.Laing’s 1970 book “Knots”:

    “A series of dialogue-scenarios, which can be read as poems or plays, describing the “knots” and impasses in various kinds of human relationships.”

    http://www.oikos.org/knotpageen.htm

    Short example:

    They are playing a game. They are playing at not
    playing a game. If I show them I see they are, I
    shall break the rules and they will punish me.
    I must play their game, of not seeing I see the game.

    Long example:

    There must be something the matter with him
    because he would not be acting as he does
    unless there was
    therefore he is acting as he is
    because there is something the matter with him
    He does not think there is anything the matter with him
    because
    one of the things that is
    the matter with him
    is that he does not think that there is anything
    the matter with him
    therefore
    we have to help him realize that,
    the fact that he does not think there is anything
    the matter with him
    is one of the things that is
    the matter with him
    there is something the matter with him
    because he thinks
    there must be something the matter with us
    for trying to help him to see
    that there must be something the matter with him
    to think that there is something the matter with us
    for trying to help him to see that
    we are helping him
    to see that
    we are not persecuting him
    by helping him
    to see we are not persecuting him
    by helping him
    to see that
    he is refusing to see
    that there is something the matter with
    him
    for not seeing there is something the matter
    with him
    for not being grateful to us
    for at least trying to help him
    to see that there is something the matter with
    him
    for not seeing that must be something the
    matter with him
    for not seeing that there must be something the
    matter with him
    for not seeing that there is something the
    matter with him
    for not seeing that there is something the
    matter with him
    for not being grateful
    that we never tried to make him
    feel grateful

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