Tag Archives: need

The Long and Short of Wanting

[A young girl and her father are listening to a song. The song is “You Can’t Always Get What You Want.” They really wanted to drive that message home, didn’t they? The Rolling Stones. Look at them, trying to gather no moss! Did they get what they needed? What if they needed moss?]

[Now it is later. The song is not playing. The young girl wants something. The father wants something else. Or does the father just want the young girl not to want the something? The father decides it is a perfect time to sing the song now, or at least the only two lines anyone ever remembers.]

[At some point the girl starts to internalize a different lyric:

You can’t ever get what you want.

She stops wanting anything,

for the most part.]

[Now it is even later. Maybe a lot later. The young girl is a young woman. She doesn’t know what she wants. People are asking her what she wants? What does she say? What does she even need? This starts to cause trouble.]

[The young woman gets older. Not wanting has caused her enough pain. She decides she wants to want. Right now, she is whispering in my ear, telling me to write down that wanting was never the problem…the problem is when someone equates wanting with getting. Like she did. So she is trying wanting on for size. Let’s see how she does…]

This wanting thing is new.

That needing thing is old.

I want to want, and not  j u s t  to need.

We all need something to want…[sung to the tune of “Lean On Me”, until you realize it is not the right number of syllables].

We all need somethingy to want…[cringe]

We all need somebody to want [that doesn’t work either].

We all need somebody to want us [well, that works…but it isn’t the message I want to convey…although it may be true too- but, HEY! These are really bad stage directions! Oh, is that what they are?].

We all want somebody to want us.

I want you.

I want you now,

today,

ahora,

for the present…

In the present, I want you for the future too.

Now is not the future.

I am not from the future, although time travel would be cool, and probably a real mess, so…

I am glad I am not from the future.

I want you now.

I don’t mean sexually, but I do want you sexually… [oh, you know what I mean!]

In the past I didn’t have you.

That would seem to suggest [in a British accent, mind you…Sherlock maybe?],

I must not need you.

That’s good!

I want you now…in the present, and for the future, now…but I don’t need you…because I didn’t always have you…in the past!

Don’t be scared now…

I love you.

I want to love you.

I choose to love you.

But, listen closely, darling,

I don’t need to love you.

[I don’t need to write left justified text either]

[or reserve brackets for stage directions, apparently [sarcastically]]

And, Baby?

          I [don’t] need your loving.

I just don’t got to have it!

But yes,

                    oh yes,

                              oh yeah,

                                        OH HELL YEAH!

…I want your loving.

Give it

or

take it away…

Whatever you want.

Do whatever you want

and

I will do the same

Today, I want to love you

Today, I do love you

But  many other loves didn’t make it till today.

They had their day.

Today is you.

Let’s not pretend we know tomorrow

I can only talk of it today.

Today is you.

So let’s not count the children we don’t have

or count the years until I can’t have them anyway

Today is you.

Today is you and me.

Today is all I want today.

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You Are Just What I Needed

I feel like I told you everything.

You listened so completely that I didn’t need words any more. You opened me up so that all that I was, am, and will be lay stretched out before you, comfortably naked. I believed you could handle everything I shared, nothing would be a burden. I heard myself too. I really revealed myself to us both.

You made me feel beautiful, resplendently adorned with every detail of my past. I got drunk on you. You saw all of me and I felt entirely seen. Your attention undressed me before my clothes could come off. You unpeeled my layers from the inside out.

You made me feel safe, wrapped in your arms or even just in your presence. Your gentle strength amazed me (how did you get so strong?), and my trusting you amazed me more. You sheltered me while I removed my protective barriers. I saw how freely life could be lived without them.

You touched me like I have always wanted to be touched. You showed me what is possible. I have never felt more like a woman, a strong feminine woman, than I did that one night with you.

You taught me what I deserve to receive from a man. I lacked for nothing with you. And whether or not we see each other again, you were just what I needed.


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